“Don’t Let the Hard Days Win”
I dropped a notebook and crumbled. I understand the pathetic imagery this inspires considering world events. I really do. But I’ve always maintained an AJR mantra that even small violins deserve to be listened to.
And I’m trying to be as open as possible about everything, especially during Endometriosis Awareness Month.
So here’s the deal.
I dropped a notebook and crumbled.
It was the fifty-thousandth thing I dropped today because my hands are weak and can’t manage to hold on to anything.
When I decided to self-publish “Finding Gene Kelly” in my silly mind, I figured after having surgery by a specialist, I’d feel spectacular relief and resume life like it was in my early twenties—not perfect, but manageable. An easier path forward—for an easier road to the end—an easier path to achieve my dreams. But six months post-surgery one thing has become abundantly clear. There are too many parts of me that have been damaged by the disease to ever go back. Even if I am infinitely better than I was pre-surgery, that really only speaks to how badly off I was before. I had labor contractions for fifteen months. And I’m not over that mentally yet. I don’t know if will be for awhile.
And there are also parts of me that haven’t been fixed yet.
It’s so easy to miss the disease in surgery because it can take on so many different faces. And they have. That at least is abundantly clear now. And the only way to fix it is another surgery.
So now I’m here, staring at the world in a similar way to how my heroine has to, and I’m kicking and throwing a tiny tantrum. I want her to learn to follow her dreams even though she’s in a world of pain. But at the same time I’m like “don’t love that character arc journey for me.”
So apologies to Evie, who I sometimes think should figure her stuff out way quicker than she does. I get it. It’s not easy to fight and “Find your Gene Kelly” when you’re in the thick of it, when the hard day is staring you in the face and you see more and more of them piling up than you really wanted. But, we kind of have to, right? The both of us? Because there’s still a wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous life to live, full of gorgeous, beautiful friends and like hell am I letting the hard days win.
A quick summary of some self-publishing lesson and things I’ve done since my last blog (feel free to DM me on Instagram if you have any questions!)
I signed up for a Netgalley spot through a self-publishing tours website, it’s significantly cheaper than doing it through the site directly.
I started my IngramSpark account and am getting ready to do pre-orders soon. I need some version of my MS and completed book cover to do so though.
I bought my ISBNs.
I added my book to GoodReads and onto Amazon KDP.
The Pre-Order for Amazon KDP E-Book is up.
Designed my cover (that was a lot more fun than I anticipated!)
I had an AMAZING 30th birthday with an AMAZING cover reveal.
Slowly working though CP and Beta reads.
Signed up with my editor for May, the final pass will finish at the beginning of August so I gave myself time to work into formatting etc. And moved my pub date to 9.20.22
Contacted and signed up for a booktour campaign for the week of my debut.
I think that’s roughly “it’ for now. I’m admittedly anxious I’m going to need surgery and it will fall right before the launch, but I also don’t have any control, so I’m just going to have to be okay with it right now. I’m lucky and grateful surgery is an accessible thing for me when it isn’t for so many people with endo, and that I’m on this side of the journey now and know it’s definitely what I have. Both of those things are huge blessings I do not take for granted. But also. BLECH.
Thank you to everyone who has been so massively supportive of this. I have been consistently overwhelmed by all the goodness and support that has been given to me and my story, and I’ll be forever grateful for it all.
